6 secrets to influencing in business
How to become the one everyone listens to…
Effective communication can only be measured on the result you get. Our communication skills and styles can work in our favour, or not, when getting our point across at work.
Great communicators have influence. And can make things happen.
Here are some of the secrets that great communicators use to influence at work….
1. Build the relationship before getting down to business
Showing interest in the people in the room is key to building trust, rapport and generally getting on. “What did you get up to at the weekend?”, “How did your conference / bike ride / day off go?”, or “I thought of you the other day when I saw XYZ…”
Great communicators smile, remember details, show a personal interest, find common ground and take the time to acknowledge the other person before getting down to business. Finding common ground or shared interest is a winner…if we know we have something in common with someone we naturally like them more. If you are both from Manchester, have a toddler, like cheese sandwiches…whatever. This helps the interpersonal relationship grow as you have something that connects you outside of the work context.
This doesn’t need to take a lot of time either; it can be a quick chat entering a meeting room. Great communicators may arrive early to make the most of this relationship building opportunity if there are lots of people.
Tip: If you know the room, you can influence the room.
2. Listen more than you speak
Listening is a super power and can bring super results. There are five levels of effective listening. A great communicator will be at the top of their listening game.
When someone feels listened to, they feel respected, valued and understood. They are more likely to show you respect in return.
The listener can also gain valuable information to use in the communication and the on-going relationship. By truly listening and using questions to clarify and go deeper the conversation will become a lot richer.
Fake listening or not listening at all can have a really negative impact on the other party We all know how it feels to be on the other side of it. How does it make you feel about the other person when you feel ignored or hi-jacked?
Tip: After the other person speaks, pause and say "tell me more". They will continue to share more.
3. Avoid judgemental language
Some questions make people feel comfortable so they can open up. Questions beginning What, Where, Who, When and How can have a positive response. E.g. “Where shall we take it from here?”
Questions beginning ‘Why…?” tend to make people feel defensive and that they are being judged. Consider the difference between… “Why did you do that?” vs “What was the thinking behind this”
Tip: Try to eliminate questions starting with WHY for a week and see how it goes.
4. Don’t jump in where its not wanted. Ask permission.
Permission is one of the most useful, yet underused and unidentified tools in effective communication. Its essentially asking for permission to give your opinion or ask a question, before you jump right in.
Great communicators use “permission” to soften the exchange and land their questions or messages into a place where they are invited. This can enhance rapport and make people feel more comfortable.
The level of trust defines the need for permission. The less trust, the more effective asking permission is. In tense or conflict situations a good communicator would almost certainly ask before sharing their opinion. This gives the other party some control before they hear it “Could I tell you what I think we should do?”, rather than “What I think we should do is….”
Tip: Try saying, "Could I add a thought/idea to that?" And wait for permission before sharing.
5. Have a heart
Remember that all the other people at are people too. They have feelings, needs and stuff going on. They are all just trying to communicate too. Remove feelings of blame and judgement on others if the exchange isn’t going well. Any problem you have with them, is actually your problem, not theirs.
You can only work on improving your own communication. So place yourself in their shoes, read their body language and imagine (or ask them) what their wants and needs are. If they are acting out of the norm, be empathetic and consider whether it’s the right time to push on your agenda. What's really going on for them?
Tip: Look for consistencies and inconsistencies in the other persons behaviour and follow your intuition. Is today a good day for this? And don't take what the other person does personally.
6. Know the goal AND be willing to collaborate on it
If you don’t know where you want to go, how can you get others to come with you?
A good communicator is crystal clear on what they are trying to achieve and can focus on that. This single minded approach will give all exchanges clarity. However, alongside this focus, they will also be open to new ideas from the team and be flexible to adapting the plan based on what they hear through listening to others.
Liz Ward is Founder and Coach at Slick Pivot. Slick Pivot helps new and seasoned entrepreneurs get good at change. Supporting your pivot journey through one to one coaching, bespoke team workshops, and events to help you find more happiness and growth in your work, whether that is quitting your 9-5, starting and growing that business or developing the right mindset for success.
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