How to be more flexible in life as a control freak

Unexpected events happen all the time. Let's call them curveballs.

Freak snowy weather, illness, broken boilers, job offers, deals cancelled, tax details, lost keys, new requests for business, surprise overseas visitors, resignations & redundancies are all just a few examples of the curveballs thrown within my client base this week.

For those of us that love a plan, a goal and getting all the details “just so”, these curveballs can sometimes throw us off balance.

You may throw your toys out of the pram, stamp your feet or lose all sense of patience. You may experience anxiety or fear.

Then you might notice yourself afterwards thinking, "wow it wasn't that bad really". You've just overreacted.

“To overreact is to respond more emotionally or forcibly than is justified” - Oxford Dictionary

How many times recently have you overreacted to a curveball in your life?

High achieving, goal-oriented people who like having control & autonomy have amazing abilities.

But the downside is often a feeling of extreme disappointment/anger/sadness/anxiety when a plan is changed or altered.

This pattern isn't much fun for you or the people around you. This post is here to help you explore you can pivot your behaviours when a curveball hits and be more flexible. 

How can a control freak react with style and grace to a curveball?

Notice your auto-response

If you are prone to overreaction when you are not in control, it’s likely this is how you’ve programmed yourself.

Every time certain curveballs approach, you respond in the same way.

Stand back from yourself and notice your reactions.

What is your trigger? Do you quickly see red when someone tells you "no"? Do you stamp your feet when you miss the bus?

Now you notice what you do, it’s possible to start to “rewire” your brains auto-response by teaching it new behaviour.

Flex-appeal

Make an active decision to be flexible and say it out loud.

Your subconscious mind (where your auto-responses are embedded) is always listening to everything you say.

Tell it what you want it to do. In your own words, something like, “I am cool about this!" or “I am super flexible about this feedback”.

Acceptance

Once you’ve decided you want to be more flexible, you can decide to accept the “curveball” into your life. Welcome it and receive it into your universe. Now it’s with you. It’s not going away.

Go big picture for a moment

Check back in with what you want long term? Does this affect your long term goals at all? How can it help you in the future? What other parts of your life can it serve?

Backtrack

Think back to another time in your life when a curveball hit you. How did you handle that? What was the outcome in the end? How did it influence the next series of events? 

Thank it

Be grateful for the gift of fresh information at this moment in time. List the reasons you can benefit from this right now.

Enjoy the new options

Come up with 3-5 possible options for what you can do next. Depending on what the thing is, this may seem a lot, and it is still worth doing. It will help you have a rational response and it’s teaching that brain of your new behaviour.

React

Now choose your course of action. See how it goes. Remembering that you are flexible about the outcome. You are cool.

Wrapping it up.

Getting flexible about how we handle and cope with new information or events can be one of the biggest challenges for someone who loves to be in control.

The good news is, just like you can strengthen yours abs, you can strengthen your flexibility muscle in your brain. Now you have some new tools, look for the next opportunity to give that flexibility muscle a work out. 

It’s great to have a plan, it’s even better to be open to that plan changing. I coach high achievers & small business owners to get great at managing change. For the small and the big things.

If you would like to explore how having a personal coach can you help you further, book a free 30-minute consultation.

Liz Ward is Founder and Coach at Slick Pivot. Slick Pivot helps new and seasoned entrepreneurs get good at change. Supporting your pivot journey through one to one coaching, bespoke team workshops, and events to help you find more happiness and growth in your work, whether that is quitting your 9-5, starting and growing that business or developing the right mindset for success. 

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